Navigating life after death – one mum’s reflection
September 8, 2023
Interview by Pauline (Kelly’s family support practitioner)
Kelly is a bereaved parent supported by Very Special Kids.
She has worked hard to understand her grief and reach a place of acceptance in her life. After losing a teenage daughter in tragic circumstances, and a baby daughter to illness, Kelly is now embracing a new sense of self.
She likes and respects this emerging woman of creativity and self-assuredness, and so do I!
Kelly, what have you learnt about yourself?
On my journey of grief, I have learnt to enjoy life, smile, and completely love again, without fear. It is a place I never thought I would or could reach. To continue living and making memories for others and myself, is a blessing born from tears, fears, and a broken heart.
Who is Kelly now?
I feel proud, strong, and courageous. I enjoy all that life still has for me to experience. I love being with my family, my grandchildren, and my adorable dogs and their pups. But I am also reclaiming my personal time using art, and story through art. This is my peaceful and healing space. Reflecting on my grief has helped me to rediscover who I am and re-connected me to my cultural family roots.
Is there a flipside to pain and vulnerability?
I have experienced unexpected moments of self-pride as well as many tearful moments of doubt. I have allowed myself to feel what has been true to me. The pain and sadness, self-discovery and re-growth, have all been a difficult part of my grieving journey. I have lost two daughters and have finally learnt to give myself permission to do what is right for me. I will forever remember my angel children as a part of my living existence. I accept this life with love, and a right to feel sadness, whilst also smiling and experiencing joy. I can do both at the same time.
What do you want other bereaved parents to know?
I remind myself, and my family that we all deserve to be happy. We deserve to have loving and supportive networks. And we deserve to feel safe to express our feelings. I allowed myself to feel the deepest of pain and now allow myself to feel the deepest of love and complete happiness. We all deserve true happiness and to live for ourselves, without fear of rediscovering or reinventing who we are.
Very Special Kids provides holistic palliative care for families at all stages of their journey – through life, death and bereavement. Counselling is an opportunity to express your feelings, thoughts, hopes and fears in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Learn more about the counselling services we provide to Very Special Kids’ families here.
A very special family open day
August 29, 2023
Written by volunteer, Georgie Johnstone
Sunday 6 August. For many Melburnians, another cold, dreary morning, but for Very Special Kids families, staff and a few lucky volunteers, it was a very special occasion indeed – the first chance for families to experience the new Very Special Kids House.
As families entered, any initial apprehension quickly turned to amazement and appreciation for the hard work over the last few years, spearheaded by Sister Margaret and CEO Michael Wasley.
Guiding families around was such an honour. Faces old and new took in the new fish tank, the dedicated adolescent room and the 360-degree outdoor area festooned with colourful birds. The new soft play area, music/art space and ever popular, upgraded sensory room got an absolute workout.
Accommodation was explored, from the abundance of storage space, the thoughtful concealment of medical equipment, alongside hoist tracks ensuring access throughout.
One child wouldn’t leave until they’d thoroughly checked out every room before picking the “best” one for their future stay! The highlight for many was the balmy hydrotherapy pool, with physio Belinda welcoming in families who queued up like entering an exclusive club!
But more than the state-of-the-art facilities, it was the vibrancy and warmth bought to Very Special Kids House by those present. It was Kirsty, the Hospice Manager and her wonderful team creating the space and time to connect with families, answer as many questions as they needed, and the disbelief in parents’ eyes when they heard “Yes, this is free”.
It was family members who reminisced on times both happy and sad spent at the old hospice, and the bittersweet emotions for those who didn’t have the opportunity to. But most of all it was the energy of the kids, doing laps around Sister Margaret in their wheelchairs, pounding the drumskins without a care in the world, full of joy, smiles and laughter.
As families, staff and volunteers make the jump into full operations over the next few weeks, it is this energy and compassion we all bring which will make Very Special Kids House, truly a home away from home.
Leave a gift to Very Special Kids
August 25, 2023
For over 33 years, Very Special Kids has been providing holistic palliative care for children and young people, and tailored support for their families. This includes respite in Victoria’s only children’s hospice, trained volunteer support in the home and hospital, bereavement support, and sibling programs for families at the most difficult of times.
This work is made possible through generous gifts in Will. Every gift, no matter what the size, makes an incredible difference.
It is a thoughtful way to continue your legacy and make a difference for children and young people with life-limiting conditions for generations to come.
How to write a Will online
- Fill out online: Follow step-by-step guide to write your will in under 20 minutes with either of our online Will partners: Gathered Here and Safewill
- Print your Will: Download for free and print a copy
- Sign and witness: Sign and witness to complete your legally valid Will
Unlimited Free Will offer. Access to free and unlimited updates of your Will for life.
50% discount offer. Each Will reviewed by an Australian Solicitor.
Frequently asked questions
Why is it important to have a Will?
Writing a Will today is one of the most important ways you can protect your family, appoint guardians for your children and set out how you want to divide your estate and leave gifts to charities that mean the most to you. Our online Will-writing partners, Gathered Here and Safewill, provide a quick and cost-effective service to allow you to complete your Will online in the comfort of your home, in as little as 20 minutes.
Are online Wills valid and legally binding?
Yes. Provided that you meet the usual requirements for creating a Will (namely, you have testamentary capacity and are of sound mind, are over the age of 18, make the Will voluntarily, and follow the required signing and witnessing formalities), a Will made online will be legally valid and binding. Reference: Gathered Here.
How do I plan my Estate involving children with high care needs?
Ensuring children with special needs are well looked after requires careful planning and the right advice. Raising children is challenging at the best of times, but for parents of children with special needs it can bring additional concerns, such as who will take care of my child after I am gone and how will they cope financially? Click here for a helpful article published by Australian Executor Trustees, with further information to help get started.
Other questions?
For further information, visit Gathered Here or Safewill.
‘Funeral tips for kids’ written by a bereaved sibling
August 7, 2023
Every year, ‘Dying to Know Day’ encourages conversation and community actions around death, dying and bereavement.
Talking about death and dying can be tough. But keeping communication channels open can often help things seem less scary.
We are honoured to share some thoughtful funeral tips that were written by very special sibling Aria after she attended her brother Valentino’s funeral.
She specifically wanted to share these tips to help other kids know what to expect when attending the funeral of their brother or sister.
Aria is now nine years old and is a proud member of Very Special Kids’ first Child Advisory Group – a youth led initiative that provides siblings aged between eight and 13 years old a chance to share their thoughts and ideas with Very Special Kids.
Funeral tips for kids, written by Aria
I am seven years old and when I was six, I went to my brother’s funeral. I had never been to a funeral before. I thought I knew what to expect but there were lots of things I did not know about funerals. I want to help other kids prepare for a funeral.
Here are some things I would like to tell you about going to a funeral for your brother or sister:
- You might cry or you might not cry, but expect to see other people crying
- You might see a lot of photos of your person, and these might make you cry
- You might have to listen to lots of different people talking
- You might see a coffin. You might see the coffin be carried or rolled on a special trolley. You might see the coffin being put into the back of a special car for coffins
- After a funeral, you might meet together with family and friends and have something to eat, and you can play with your family and friends
- You might feel many things at the funeral – sad, upset, angry, curious, interested, unsure, happy and many, many more
Things I would like to tell their grownups:
- Please tell kids before they go to a funeral all the things they might see and hear and do and expect
- Please tell kids about how their person died
- Please know that sometimes siblings think it is their fault their person has died
- Please think about the kids at funerals and make the funeral of their person ‘kid friendly’
- Please ask kids if they want to help with funeral preparations – we have lots of ideas and like to be involved
- Please show kids the slide show of photos of their brother or sister before the funeral so they know what to expect
As a children’s palliative care organisation, Very Special Kids works to make the world a better, more supportive and knowledgeable place for families who are suffering through the death of a child or young person.
To learn more about our bereavement support services please click here.
